My Velocity Squared

September 10, 2010

Review: Impala LT

Filed under: Reviews — smarmbeast @ 12:38 am

The Impala LT

There are some things that are so bad, they are good. The Chevy Impala is unfortunately not one of those things.

The interior, like most American automobiles, is utter shit. Chevy has truly outdone themselves here. The Impala LT is *the* new benchmark is awful interiors. Let’s run it down:

– AC controls. Faux dual zone climate control. I hate dual zone climate because in reality it never quite is. But that is not my quibble on this POS. My quibble is with the controls. Two roller dials with little protrusions. These are so loose (2300 miles on the car.) that if you try to touch them, the slam up and down. It is impossible to adjust them in any reasonable manner. The suspension is so loose that you just slam from full hot to full cold again and again.

– Crappy plastic. Awful Fisher Price plastic, everywhere. Ugly seams, hollow sounding when you wrap on it. The seat controls are the worst example of this.

– Steering wheel controls: No feedback. No way to tell if when you are pressing the cruise that it is actually doing anything. So you have to smash it down as hard as you can. Normally even if the controls didn’t click, you could tell the car was slowing down or speeding up… but that would require an engine less indifferent to input than whatever is under the hood in this thing.

– Who the hell still uses an on the tree transmission control and a foot e-brake in a car? Chevy. So they can claim there is a third seat in the front. Maybe for a 5 year old. Pointless. Handbrake, and floor, or console protrusion please.

Handling:

None that can be discerned. It is like driving around in a tub of novcaine, everything is numb….

… except when it’s not. Suddenly out of nowhere a bump will hammer through for some reason. Hurts like hell.

Transmission.

Hit pedal, wait 4 seconds for downshift. So don’t try any active evasive maneuvers. Complete rubbish. Sometimes it will downshift fast, but so fast it gives you whiplash and makes you lift off during the pain.

Brakes:

Pads most likely made of steel wool, clamping onto cotton candy. Plan well ahead if you need to stop.

Steering:

No feedback that turning the wheel is actually doing anything. Eventually the car will turn. Then it will start to turn real quickly. Heart stopping. Understeer like you wouldn’t believe. Feels like steering through heavy pudding.

Engine:

Anemic. Soulless. Married to shit transmission, see above.

Stereo:

I suggest getting an inverter, and plugging a clock radio in for superior acoustics.

Trunk:

This is actually amazingly spacious, and well designed.

In the U.S. we love shitty cars, and this is the latest example of of the cream of feces we made possible. I would love to thank every bottom breathing moron that buys cars like this for making this automotive atrocity possible.

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